The day I died

18th July 2018
My birthday and my deathday.

Of course I have diced with death before, but hey, you can end up in danger just climbing the stairs, so fuck it, eh?  I was in the jungle, mixing with a remote tribe I had found when I left the normal path, and learning so much in the process.  They found me to be a huge novelty, with my pale skin and modern clothing, compared to their natural, unspoiled lifestyle.  They lived off the land, they hunted and foraged, and in the evenings they would chant and dance around the campfire, much as you would expect, chewing on leaves which relaxed them and made them dance.

It was these leaves which were to be the death of me.  They insisted that I joined in with their evening jolliness, so I munched on a leaf that I was given.  It was pretty foul tasting, bitter and squeaky on the teeth, but I soon found that they had a pleasant effect on my mind and body.  The natives laughed as I got giggly and wobbled around, stoned out of my brain on the mysterious leaves.  I danced around the campfire with them, their children loving this silly, strange person behaving like, well, someone who was stoned to fuck on leaves.  I danced so much that I trotted off into the jungle, dancing and giggling, with the children following me like the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

As I skipped through the trees, jumping over fallen vegetation, I suddenly felt something heavy hit me on the head.  A huge branch had fallen off a tree, followed by the leopard who was sat licking its paws on the branch moments before the crash.  Everything went black and I woke up dead.  I didn't realise I was dead at first, then I noticed that the natives had tied my arms and legs to a branch and were carrying me back to their village like a dead animal they had hunted down.  I was hung on a spit over their campfire and roasted by the villagers, then I made a hearty meal for the previously kind and hospitable folks.  Still, waste not want not, eh?  I was too far from a hospital to be an organ donor, so the next best thing is to be enjoyed in a liver and kidney stew.  The villagers took turns wearing my clothes, which they found hilarious, stomping around pretending to be the funny white lady who was killed by a falling branch and a grumpy leopard.

It wasn't until a month later, when I didn't arrive at my destination, that they went looking for me, by which time I'd become bits of  bone jewellery and handy primitive tools.  I was never found, nobody knew where this remote village was and nobody ever came across the people of the village ever again.

I became Mumuficated in an unusual way.  I had had my gall bladder taken out some years previously, and because my body was never found, it was decided that my gall stones would be ground up to provide the 23g of 'ash' to go into my brick.  And that's how I became part of the People's Pyramid.